Just Your Average Adventure

Day 11 - Israel 2010 - 8-29-10

2010-08-29T23:00:00.003-04:00

What a day!

All morning I had told the kids we were going to see have to search for an "elephant." They asked questions if it was real, what it was made out of, what color it was - if they were really going to see it. OY - maybe I should have kept my mouth shut!

This morning we drove to Rosh Hanikrah - it is a down that boaders Lebenon, all the way in the north of Israel, right on the coast. It has beautiful grotos and fantastic views!

We arrived at the top of the hill, in order to get down to the gratos we had to take the cable car down!

Not only did the bottom have amazing gratos - but amazing views!

We went into the gratos - it was so steamy we all felt drippy - not sweaty, right away!

It was VERY slippery!

We finally got outside to the "elephant!" I was so excited to see it. The kids on the other hand - read: Bob - was really dissapointed. The sign says it is the elephants foot -- to me it has always looked like the elephant's trunk! He said I lied....it wasn't a good feeling for me, but still think it looks like a trunk - what do you think?

From there we drove to Acco - an amazing city from the crusaides. The kids had really had it by this point - read: Belle had really had it. It was hot. It was sticky - and it was more walking. Bob, Bean and Puppy LOVED the self guided tour - even if the rest of us found it dry. I think anytime you get to hold a telephone that looks like it was a "car phone" from 1988 to your ear - it has too be cool, right?

Mom and I opted not to go through one of the tunnels and to hang back with Belle (Mom and I do NOT like tunnels!). So J went on with the kids.

It wasn't till they were out somewhere else in the maze of ruins that we reailized to find them we had to! Thank god by then, Belle had come around!

We had to make the day end nicely....

So we took the kids to their FIRST EVER real McDonalds experience. See, we keep kosher. We do eat out dairy that isn't, but not meat. So the children have had fish sandwiches....but never McNuggets or Burgers!

It was worth the 230.40 NIS to see the look on their faces' (and J's for that matter!) while they ate their Chicken McNuggets and Big Macs!

What a great way to end a day of literal and figurative ups and downs!!

Day 10 - Israel 2010 - 8-28-10

2010-08-28T23:00:00.000-04:00

Important side note: Today would have been my father in law's birthday z"l - of blessed memory 65th birthday. He was taken from us almost 8 years ago by Brain Cancer. Today my sister in law is going to/ran the 2010 Portland Brain Tumor Walk in his memory. How proud he would be of her and all she has done to raise awareness and money for both Leukemia & Lymphoma and Brain Cancer. We are all proud of her - she is truly inspiring. May his memory continue to be a blessing to all of us who knew and loved him, and to his granchildren - only two of whom got to meet him, but non truly got to know him.

Today was Shabbat - we had a lazy morning - but Puppy got ready in his Shabbat shorts, his black dress shoes (no socks), a button down shirt and the linnen jacket that he is supposed to wear for the wedding. He was a sight. So J took him and Bob and Bean who were all ready as well to shul, while Belle and I spent some quality time together.

We spent the afternoon playing buckeyballs, Rumikub and reading. Bubby, Mom, Aunt M and Mr. B came to hang out and play with us.

Mom stayed on for the afternoon and a while later J and A came. They are the lovely parents' of G - one of the Shlichim we had at our home for the summer. They brought great gifts for the kids, and we got to spend time getting to know them and hearing about G in ways we didn't get to see him over the summer.

It was a lovely quiet day! Tomorrow....we drive the coast!

Day 9 - Israel 2010 - 8-27-2010

2010-08-27T16:43:00.003-04:00

We promised the kids a lazier day. - And boy did they get it!!

J and Bean went out shopping for Shabbat in the morning. The other kids veged in front of the Disney Channel. We have been allowing them to only watch tv in Hebrew. Well...Phineas and Pherb and some other favorites are in Hebrew. It is fantastic!!

FINALLY, at 2pm we left for the Hertzelyia Beach. Having been to Tel-Aviv and Netanya already - we needed to check out a third.

It was heavy surf - but a great sandbar!

We had to stay to a certain area as the surf was really rough. But there was a sandbar - which made it pretty cool.

Belle did great at jumping the waves!

As soon as the wave passed - it was below her waist!

Puppy was just happy to be in the water

Bob wasn't really happy about not being allowed out farther. He kept pushing the limits and saying it wasn't fun. He looked like he was having fun to me!!

Bob went farther out!

J even showed Bob how to jump into the water to ride the wave. And then J lost his prescription sunglasses in the Mediterranean Sea!

J is gone...and so are his sunglasses!

They spent the next long while looking for his glasses!

He even found a pair!! .....They just weren't his (he thought they were at first!)!

Thank god for Mom!! She spent time with the kids in the sand...something I absolutely HATE to do.

But the kids love it!!

At the end - J said goodbye to his glasses at sea. And we went home to make Shabbat dinner!

Cousin S and her boys Ld and U joined us - with Aunt M and Mr. B and Bubby. What a great way to bring in Shabbat!

Day 8 - Israel 2010 - 8-26-2010

2010-08-26T23:00:00.003-04:00

Important side note: Today is Unc's 24th Birthday. I remember the day he was born - the day our world changed by the addition of the one we called "The Boy." Sweet kid, tough start - but he was my baby. All those nights he cried and cried - Mom and Dad had just had it since it was so often....and every night....I would sneak into his room (I was 11) take him out of his crib....and rock him to sleep. We bonded. I love that boy. Always have - always will be my baby...no matter how many of my own I have. Love you Unc - you are the best brother or uncle anyone could ask for!! (Don't worry; you aren't old - even if I was married at your age!)

Today we got up and drove to Bereishit - Genesis, to have a visit with Avram in his tent. When we first arrived we saw all of the camels! The kids just LOVED them - and love sitting and watching them...and taking pictures of them - (we have almost 100!) And taking pictures of their poop - god help me...promise, I'm not posting those!!

Bob took one for the blog - he said we don't post faces! ROFLMAO

After we were greeted by the camels, we were greeted by Eliezer, Avram's servant. He brought us into the top building and gave us a history of where Avram had traveled from - Ur - present day Iraq, to Haran - present day Turkey, to C'Naan - present day Israel.

We then loaded about half the group onto the camels for a walk down to Avram's tent. J and Bob, Puppy and Mom went on first.

Some traveled by camel - others of us walked down the nice wide path!

View from Avram's tent!

Once we got down to Avram's tent - we were greeted by "Avram" who served us water and dried fruits.

Belle even got to do a demonstration with Avram!

Then! It seemed as though Avram's nephew Lot took all the pita Avram was planning on serving us....SOOO he invited us to make our own with him.

Then Avram backed them for us!

After we ate our pita - it was time for the other half of the guests to camel ride back to the top of the hill. That left me, Bean and Belle.

Belle gets the front of the white beauty!

Bean and I had our turn - the camel behind loved to scratch its ear on Beans leg!

BUT...for some reason we didn't return the way we came down....remember that wide path? Nope - we took the short cut around the side of the mountain!!

OK - it doesn't look as deep from here - but I'm telling you!

View from my camel....looking straight down!
Where is that path!?!?

After our experience - we went to Ben Yehuda Street in Jerusalem for lunch and some shopping. We came away with a jackpot of kippot for all three boys! The girls and Bob got necklaces. And while we stretched them to their breaking point of a long day. They really did quite well. And were thrilled to return for a BBQ at the S's house!

Back to Ra'anana and a quieter day tomorrow!

Day 7 - Israel 2010 - 8-25-2010

2010-08-25T22:00:00.001-04:00

The kids asked for a "down day" today. So we obliged. We had a wonderful lazy morning. Bubby, Aunt M and Mom came to the apartment - we hung out and chatted. Filled them in on our trip so far...and introduced Bubby to the world of "buckyballs!"

After lunch the six of us and Mom headed out to Jerusalem, to show the kids the Kotel for the first time. This time to Jerusalem was like no other - so many things have changed. The roads. The "sprawl." The modern and ancient is still amazing. There are new tunnels and shopping malls where I couldn't even imagine.

Tunnel Under the Old City!

Five level underground parking AND a shopping mall above it!

Look how shinny and new it is!

It felt like we were in VEGAS!

We parked much farther than J or I thought - but the kids did well walking through the winding alleys and narrow walkways. Until we got to the spot we all had waited to see!!

The kids were almost loosing it at this time - especially Puppy. But we pulled out paper for each of them to write a note - 'peteck' to put in the wall.

And then Mom and I took Belle and Bean - and J took Bob and Puppy to touch "The Western Wall" for the first time in their lives.

Bob touching the wall to put in his note

Puppy putting in his peteck!

Bean and Bell Touching the Kotel

Momm with Belle to her right (in the hat) and Bean to her left

My peteck...and one for a freind's husband who has been ill

From there we went for dinner in the Cardo - Schwarma....again! And no one complained.

After that we spent the night at the S's - our friends with the 5 girls who live in El'Azar outside of Jerusalem. We are so greatful to be together and spend this time with one another.

Tomorrow...."Bereishit" - Genesis, at Avrams Tent!

Day 6 - Israel 2010 - 8-24-2010

2010-08-24T23:00:00.004-04:00

Today started out on an odd foot. Belle was off. Bob was a bit less off, though definitely on the negative side. Bean and Puppy...well, they were oddly positive and close...even holding hands!

But I'm getting ahead of myself. We left Masada for the two hour ride to Mitzpe Ramon - the Ramon Crater...which soon we leaned is called "Machtesh Ramon" with no translation as there is nothing like it in the world. And thereby Machtesh- or Makhtesh was added to the dictionary.

But again, I'm getting ahead of myself. It was a long ride - with many of these signs...that cracked me up each time!

We got to the visitor's center to decide what to see from there. But it was closed for renovations!

We decided to take a quick walk to the observation point. That is where both Bob and Belle lost it. I think the magnitude of the two hikes from yesterday came flowing back to their psyche and they shut down. It was only 100 yards up the way...we could see the end from the starting point!

Bob came around, but Belle cried the entire way up. And Bean and Puppy?!? They held hands and talked to each other the entire walk up and back!

It was a magnificent view. 26 miles of a crater formed by erosion.

We took some pictures and then walked onto "Bio Ramon" - weirdly translated from the hebrew "Chai Ramon" - which means the "Life in Ramon" - aka zoo/preserve.

The girls did not want to join. So I took the boys while J made some calls to see if he could find us a Jeep ride through the Machtesh.

In my old age- I'm not a real lover...or even liker of most zoos. But each entrance price had a guided tour included. Puppy was free, Bob was 7nis and I was 13nis- so for a total of about $5.50 we had an awesome time and learned a lot. I think all of our favorite part was the porcupine and its quills.

Do you know that it has 3 kinds?

1. Long skin, wobbly ones to make itself look big to its prey

2. Shorter, wider, hard/pointy ones underneath the long ones to poke it's prey by backing into it, or stopping short for the prey to smash into it

3. Tiny hollow ones on their tales to make the sounds warning others to stay away!

After a quick bite of shwarma, we met out tour guide/jeep driver Tamir for a 2 hour tour of the Machtesh.

I don't know how I can describe in words how amazing this experience was. We spent 2+ hours driving off road through the crater, up the hills and mountains within- through the landscape. Truly amazing.

EVERYONE loved it! Belle and Bob probably the most! Puppy was doing amazingly... But the poor kid fell asleep half way through for about 30 minutes! No one could believe what he slept through...the bouncing, the tossing, the excitement in the car- J propping him back up on his seat as he bounced off!

He woke up in time for the amazing finally and views as we got out of the Jeep on one of the mountains in the Machtesh.

We then proceeded with the 3 hour drive home.

Mom and Aunt M came over to see us. Mom arrived in Israel with Grandma yesterday. The kids were asleep, but it was really nice to catch up as adults.

After 3 days it is good to be back at the apartment. Until the next adventure!

Day 5 - Israel 2010 - 8-23-2010

2010-08-22T23:00:00.002-04:00

Today began with the alarm going off at 4:30am. No it wasn't an accident- we purposely got up before the break of day so we could climb Masada.

The kids did great getting up and out. We rolled out of bed got our sunscreen on and walked out of our Hostel (kids are calling it a Hospital...I think of it more like a no frills hotel!)...out the door to the base of Masada.

From the later in the afternoon - see the snakepath to the top? The cable car launch on the top right?

It was pitch black. We didn't think to bring flashlights...but it wasn't too bad. J thought the hike would be 30 minutes...the man who handed us our tickets said an hour and a half!

20 minutes into the walk Puppy started crying. Screaming in fact. He was just saying he was scared- but we didn't know of what. I joked to J that instead of an "I climbed Masada" t-shirt, we would get him an "I cried Masada" t-shirt! I finally got out of him that he was afraid to walk DOWN Masada! OY.

We walked...and climbed and climbed some more! It was more difficult than J or I remembered it. Maybe it was bringing 4 children...maybe it is the 18+ years that have passed since the last time we did it...maybe it is the 18+ lbs that we have gained! Or...a combination of all three.

We missed the sunrise at the top - but it was just as beautiful from 3/4ths of the way up!

It was probably the most difficult thing I've done, besides birthing 4 babies in under 5 years, in my adult life!

For me, it was all about the climb. For J and Bob...they wanted to see stuff. It was pretty cool.

I liked the mosaic tile floor and the explanation of how they got water to the top.

The kids liked pouring the water on the model "water system." Seeing the "sofer" - scribe, writing a Torah in the "Bet K'neset" - synagogue on top of Masada- in an air conditioned room was definitely the most unexpected!

As promised we sprung for the cable car on the way down. It was well worth the 98nis we spent...the smiles on the kids' faces...and the money we saved by getting down at 8:30am, before the 9am close of the included breakfast buffet at the hostel!

We then took a rest- read: I napped for an hour while the kids watched Israeli cartoons and J dozed.

We regrouped, re-sun screened, but on bathing suites and keens- and were off to Ein Gedi for a hike through rock and cliffs into a valley to see the natural pools and waterfalls.

We choose the less traveled area called "Nachal Arugot" - translated to "river of rows" - like in agricultural planting. It isn't really a river during the summer- it is a "Wadi" - dry river bed.

When we got to the gate, the park ranger said it was about an hour up, and an hour back down- but that the first water area was about 10 minutes out.

That 10 minutes took us 20. So when we found the pool at the top of the water detour, we made the afternoon of it.

What an amazing oasis it was! A pool of water with cave areas, a waterfall- and wildlife. The kids first found one frog and then a second in a cave off of far side of the pool.

Then Bob screamed "Abba! A tarantula!" When J came over- he realized it was a little crab! They had a blast.

The kids were not happy about not continuing farther- but after a day climbing Masada and this hike- we believed it was enough.

Look what we did!

We returned to the hostel for showers, a pizza picnic in our room, and a movie on our dvd player. Puppy was so tired he fell asleep at 5:30 before the pizza or movie - see him on the top left bunk?

What a memorable day...it really was like two days in one!

Day 4 - Israel 2010 - 8-22-2010

2010-08-22T16:44:00.002-04:00

What a day we had!

J left to buy groceries for our trip this morning. A cooler and beach towels. We made sandwiches, snacks and packed for 3 days. It didn't help that the washer/dryer takes 3 hours to do one load 1/3 of the size of our home loads:) By 1:50pm we were on the road...only 3 hours after we had hoped!

We plugged our first destination into N'avi...our Israel GPS. It has this great feature that avoids areas we want to avoid for safety reasons...except, that when it asks- do you still want to avoid the area, because I am going to send you that way...it doesn't re-route. It stops all together!

This was a "feature" we didn't realize until we were lost in the middle of Jerusalem!

I must say the kids were amazing! They had this imaginative game going on with each of them having their own worlds...with portal's into Bob's "String World" which was under attack- they were coming to help him. J wondered when it would all end in a world war...but they did REALLY well, for hours.

We made it to the Dead Sea - Yam Ha'melach by 4:30pm. We had a few options that the tour book said would still be open.

One was Kalya, a name I fondly and remember from my childhood visits to Israel. We decided that is where we would go.

I remembered it as an amazing water-park over looking the dead sea. It was the first time I was introduced to the fantastic word... "Glitch Glatch" - water-slide!

I remember taking Lolo and Unc on the slides. Carrying the tubes up with them...waiting on line...and as we came down the slide taking in the breathtaking views of the Dead Sea below...and Jordan across the way.

What a shock it was for me to see what we saw! I didn't see the bungalow on the side of the road, nor the oasis I was expecting..nor children and their tubes on the ladders.

There emptied out shells of huts- without doors or windows, there were some trees- but far from the oasis of soft grass and palm trees...but worse yet were the abandoned ladders and water-slides...sadly standing tall the way they did 18+ years ago...but the shiny yellow and blue slides looked worn and dilapidated...the ladders looked broken and dangerous.

We continued passed the park of yesterday to the area by the sea. It was pretty- and had a beautiful view...they were even building new shops and spa...but it wasn't what I had expected.

Thank god I had not put any expectations out there for the kids. I told them what had been, even pointed out the slides...but we moved on to our destination...and the ONE place Puppy said he wanted to go- INTO the Dead Sea!

We made our way down, explaining the rules to the kids. The view was breathtaking!

The Dead Sea is below sea level - this bar on the way down to water was -418 meters!

We all immersed. Bean and I were the only ones not to partake in the mud...sometimes I really do think she is my kid:)

After we had had enough- 45 minutes later we climbed back up the steps for a much needed water and ice cream break.

A few hours later we are all now bedded down for the night in the Masada Youth Hostel at the foot of Masada. Our alarms are set for 4:30am so that we can do the climb in time for sunrise.

Wish us luck!

Day 3 - Israel 2010 - 8-21-2010

2010-08-21T18:27:00.003-04:00

Today was quite quiet. I slept in - while J took Bob to Shul and the younger three played.

It was a day of Buckyballs, making up and practicing dances, reading books, playing games and relaxing. Who could ask for a better way to spend Shabbat?!?

Tonight we asembled food and snacks to take on our three day trip to the Negev...the south. See ya from the road!

Day 2 - Israel 2010 - 8-20-2010

2010-08-21T18:21:00.001-04:00

We set the alarm to go off this morning at 8am so we could meet Cousin S and her two boys Ld and U, Aunt M and Cousin E and his son E, daughters Lr and D and stepson A at the beach! Well...it didn't work - we snoozed....and snoozed and snoozed again. At 9:45 we woke up - got everyone dressed and out by 10:20!

We made it to Cousin S to see her beautiful apartment in a newish area called Rishpon. The kids all played with Ld and U...watching them in action together was fantastic. Then it was off to Cousin E's in Netanya - Once again S's boys - and E's boys played like they knew eachother forever!

E made a picnic lunch and we walked to his apartment to the beach.

We had a fantastic time in the beach and sand. I really do hate the sand - but this soft powdery stuff wasn't so bad - especially with how well behaved the kids were. We couldn't have asked for a better time.

Bob was in the water the entire time...I don't think he came out to even eat a sandwhich - a kid after my own heart. Jumping waves and playing in the water!

Belle didn't go into the water as much as she played in the sand - it was painful for me to watch...but she loved it!

Bean did a bit of both - she was great while either J or I held her in the water...but she was also content enough to hang out on the shore in the sand - or on Aunt M's lap!

Puppy - he too loved the water. He wasn't happy with it on his face, but as soon as one of us held him past the breaking point....he didn't want to come out!

Must say I was proud of myself for holding it all together....the icky and the sticky in the 100 degree weather. If you ask Lolo or Unc they would tell you it didnt' happen....that their sister hates the beach and the sand. It is true. But I love my kids...and I can tollerate it as long as I can....and then we go...didn't hurt that Shabbat was coming and we had to leave after a few hours.

From their we made a quick stop at the supermarket - and the apartment to shower off and change before dinner with Cousin O and her girls Lr and D at Aunt M's with Mr. B!

Once again after a few minutes - the 6 children were playing like they had been old friends since birth. It is amazing that my kids have so many cousins within their age group....so sad they don't get to see eachother.

Bob is the oldest at 9.5
Lr is the next at 8.75
Ld third at 8 (one month older than...)
Belle is fourth at 8
D is fifth at 6.5 (one week older than....)
Bean who is also 6.5
U is seventh at 5.75
Puppy is younger by a year at 4.75
Then is baby E who is 9 months old
Add A in there at 7....you do the math. that is 9 kids withing 5 years - + a beautiful baby!

My grandma is so fortunate to have all these beautiful great grandchildren....who like eachother!! How fortunate are we to have such a loving grandma to make this family renunion a reality!!

We made it back just in time for a quiet Shabbat at our apartment.

Day 1 - Israel 2010 - 8-19-2010

2010-08-19T22:00:00.001-04:00

The kids slept in today - dispite going to sleep 7:30pm local time, we woke them up at 11am!!

We unpacked, let them watch some cartoons in hebrew - and set off to the beach to meet the S's at about 3pm!

And we finaly made it. Here are the kids, looking towards Jaffa...so exciting to see our children here!

and a little while later...into the Mediteranian!!

The S's are a family of 7! D and J grew up together in Vancouver. D & O made aliya 3 years ago with four beautiful daughters - and had another one a year after arriving! R is almost 12, A is a 8 (few weeks younger than Belle), S is 5, M is 3 and baby L is 2. How fantastic it was to see our four kids meld with their 5:) D and J go back to being 15 year old boys and thank god I have O to help be an adult.

After the beach we went out to dinner together - what a sight...4 adults and 9 children. But dinner was heaven! "Salatim, chips, schnitzelim, lafa, pita, chumus, kababs" Really - Bob said it was the best meal ever...and my picky eater Bean ate up a storm!

After we walked around the mall in Raanana - and back to the apartment for bed.

What a great first day, can't wait till tomorrow!!

2010-08-19T09:50:00.000-04:00

From JEJYAA on the go!

Buckeyballs to the rescue!

2010-08-17T20:35:00.001-04:00

We made it to Philly...kids made it by the hair of their chinny chin chins! Thanks to A for introducing The.Best.Toy.Ever!! To us!!

We board in a few minutes!

Thanks to A, B and M who made it possible for us to make our flight!
From JEJYAA on the go!

Blogging from the road?

2010-08-17T18:12:00.000-04:00

We are at the airport...will it work? If it will- I'll be quite excited:)
From JEJYAA on the go!

From slavery to freedom...maybe a little closer this year

2010-03-24T22:18:00.002-04:00

Passover, Pesach - פֶּסַח in Hebrew, also known as Chag Ha'Aviv - חג האביב the holiday of spring is quickly approaching.

Our children come home from school singing -"Simcha Raba, Simcah Raba, Aviv He'Gia, Pesach Baa!!" - Much Joy, Much Joy, spring is here, Passover is coming!!

It is the holiday we celebrate the Jewish people's journey from slavery to freedom. Three years ago next week my joy and excitement of Passover coming was taken from our family in a tragic way....it has taken away our freedom to rejoice in what had historically been my favorite holiday.

Traveling back to a more naive time, April 1st 2007. For a lack of a better way to describe - my dreams were coming true. I had always dreamed of hosting passover that included my husband and our four beautiful children, my siblings, our parents and their parents! And it was happening.

How blessed was I, 31 years old, married to a wonderful man, 4 healthy children, loving parents...and all four of my grandparents healthy...the doting great-grandparents.

After 30+ years of Grandma B making her own seder for all the family - she finally agreed that the rest of the family in Florida could do it on their own - that she was going to be with us.

On Thursday, March 29th my mom's parents came into town - Grandma A (to the kids Bubby) and Grandpa J (to the kids Zeide) spent Shabbat with us and start to prepare for Passover. (they were staying with us)

On Sunday, April 1st J went to the airport to pick up my dad's parents - Grandma B (to the kids Savta) and Grandpa Fred (to the kids Grandpa Fred). (they did not want to put us out by staying with us; I made arrangements for them to stay at a local hotel). It was a beautiful day. Big blue sky - light breeze, great day for playing outside.

For about an hour everyone was at our home. Grandma A and Grandma B were playing with the kids. Grandma B commented on how wonderful Grandma A's borscht smelled. Grandpa J was reading, Grandpa Fred enjoyed the garden and the new blooms. Grandma B insisted that we had to put her to work the next day, she was not a guest but a contributor...she convinced me, even twisted my arm to let me let her do my ironing!

I tried to get Bob, who was in kindergarten at the time, to read to Grandma B...who spent 50+ years as a teacher, most of that time 1st grade. Bob wasn't having it, it was too nice outside. Grandma B said, Oh L, leave him alone, we'll have plenty of time tomorrow.

We planned to go out to dinner. Changing over the house and preparing for 27 people for two seders left little to feed our family of 6 and 4 grandparents that wasn't kosher for Passover...who wanted that more days than necessary? Grandpa Fred wanted to go to hotel, he didn't want to go to dinner...and Grandpa J wanted to just eat a "light dairy meal" at home. We changed our plans from the usual dinner place - to one across the street from the hotel - just in case Grandma B and Grandpa Fred wanted to join us at some point during dinner.

We weren't all going to fit into one car, so J drove our kids to the restaurant and I drove G and G to hotel. During our 5.5 mile drive Grandma and I talked about a lot of things, her sister Aunt T, her sister Aunt S, my cousin L, my cousin K...our kids...how excited we were to all be together.

I dropped them off. Telling Grandma where the restaurant was...to cross at the closer light because it had a crosswalk.

J and I went on to a harried but great dinner with the kids...and then home to put them to bed.

The phone calls from the rest of the family driving down from NY started.
Our family tends to do the "where are you now," "we are at the (insert popular I95 landmark) now" calls.
They are incessant, overwhelming and endearing all at the same time.

Unc had started on his journey down from NY in one car. Lolo too had commenced the trip with her boyfriend in a second car. Mom and Dad were driving down a "new" to us car that no one knew what the color to call it...it would be a surprise.

The phone rang a 20th time in two hours. I finally told J NOT to answer it, that the kids were tired - we had to get them to bed and we had a long day ahead of us tomorrow.

The phone went to the answering machine. It was a woman, with an accent asking for an Elizabeth. She said she was with my grandfather and my grandmother had been hurt.

I turned and looked at Grandma A and Grandpa J in the room and shrugged my shoulders.

J said, "L pick u the phone!!"
I said "No, it isn't for me, my name isn't Elizabeth, and Grandma and Grandpa are right here...it is a horrible April fools joke!"
J looked and me and with panic in his eyes and voice said "Grandma B is at the hotel!"

I picked up the phone...but it was too late, the caller had hung up. I redialed the last call. The woman answered the call, and she stared to tell me that she was there with my grandfather, that my grandmother had been hit by a car...I heard my grandfather calling my name...crying.

I grabbed my shoes to put them on as I kept saying..."I'm coming Grandpa, I'm coming." The good Samaritan said she didn't know where they were taking my Grandmother, but they should know by the time I got there...what do you mean they don't know where they are taking her, I said to myself...the hospital is only 2 miles from the hotel?

I drove back the 5.5 miles - 4 turns from my house - that seemed to take hours...rather than the few minutes it had a few hours before.

I needed to call my parents, but I didn't know what was happening...how could I call them while they were driving....I couldn't do it.

I called my Uncle (my father's brother) in CA, my Aunt answered...she was so calm. Knowing how close her relationship with my grandma (her MIL) was...I got strength from her voice. I hung up and called my best friend NES - I told her what I knew...and I cried. She cried with me....but also made it clear I needed to call my parents and tell them before I got to the scene.

I hung up with her and called my parents. It was one of the most difficult things I've ever done in my entire life. I called my dad to tell him that his mom, his rock, had been hit by a car...and I was on my way to the scene...that I knew nothing else.

I was still on the phone with them as I approached the last turn...and while I turned that last corner...the night sky was as bright as day with the all the flashing lights from the police cars, fire trucks...ambulances.

I hung up the phone to try to find my Grandfather in the chaos...to find out what happened and where by Grandmother was.

I parked my car on the road and ran across the median to find out something...anything.

I saw where the car was that hit my Grandma.
I saw yellow police tape.
I saw my Grandma's shoes.
I saw my Grandma's purse.
I saw the blood.
The rest I still see in my dreams sometimes...but I'm not going to go to that place here.

I found my Grandfather...I found out what hospital my Grandma was medivaced to.
NES had called our friend H and they wanted to come get us to take us to the hospital...but it was 32 miles away from where we were. And I couldn't wait the 25 minutes for them to get to us, and then start our journey...
They said they would meet us there.

I called my friend JK and asked her how to get to the hospital...as she works there...and I had no idea how to get there...my wonderful friend JK stayed on the phone with me the entire drive...kept me talking...kept me grounded as I sped to the hospital....with my Grandfather next to me in the front seat...I don't know if I told her how much that meant to me...how I couldn't have made it through that horrific ride without her.

Unc had gotten to the hospital first, as he was the one who had left NY first on his way down that day...but they wouldn't tell him anything. Then Grandpa and I got there....followed by NES and H...then Lolo and her boyfriend, my dad's cousin and then my parents.

We were all together...those who wanted to go up and see her got the opportunity...and then they took her into surgery. We kids took a few minutes to get a drink...I called home to update J.

As I came back down the long dark hallway, I saw my mom...she was crying...she told me that Grandma was gone.

I remember the sound I let out...the sound...it was a sound that came from my core...a sound that I felt from the tips of my toenails through roots of my hair.

__________

A few hours later we each left...each in our own cars.
I drove back in the rain....my head pounding...I thought it was going to explode...in hindsight I really should not have been driving...

I remember screaming at the top of my lungs... and saying over and over again..."I'm sorry Grandma, I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry Grandma, I'm so sorry!"

It has taken years...three years for me to be able to write just these parts of this story.
Put into words the guilt I have felt for choosing the hotel, for choosing the restaurant...for pushing them to come.
Not to forget the "if only's" - If only I had chosen a different hotel, or a different restaurant...not told them to cross at one light,maybe the other light...If only she got to have one seder together with her great grandchildren...if only...I hadn't pushed them to come.

I know in my mind it is not my fault...but the heart is a strange and wonderful organ...it has a mind of its own.
_________________

We have amazing friends....an amazing community. Somehow, my parents, Lolo and Unc, Grandpa Fred, J and I, Bob and Belle left our home, our two youngest children Bean and Puppy who were only 3 and 18 months at the time and my elderly grandparents to go to Florida for the funeral.
My best friend SAS and her sister J came over that morning and took care of us all day. JK and her husband R came and sat with my Grandfather for hours. NES and H were back to help and organize others to help. My friend B and her entire family including mother and step father pitched in, my friend Karen who had just found out she was pregnant with triplets, my friend R and countless others from our community (forgive me if I missed anyone - email me so I can add them)...
We all went, without worry about the things we left behind, and were able to only focus on what we needed to do.

________________

As we approach this third yartzeit - anniversary of her death - I try to move past the "if only's" - to the legacy she left.

In her memory I created a Sabbath library at our synagogue - called "Sifrei Savta" - (Grandma's Books)...the dedication reads:

This Shabbat Library was created in memory of

B_____ M_______

A loving wife, mother, grandmother and great-grandmother –

a teacher to all who knew her.

May her memory be a blessing to her family and all who were blessed to know her. May this year bring our family out of the oppressive memories of that night and closer to the freedom of celebrating this amazing holiday with less of a heavy heart. May we some day truly feel Simcha Rabba...

__________________
Below is the eulogy I gave at her funeral:

When thinking of Grandma B, we think of a woman who could do anything. Our father already spoke of her as a teacher, a teacher of all she met or who crossed her path. Grandma taught by example, by leading the way. With her honesty and humor she always told us how she felt, and if we were following the path she wanted for us – but always without judgment, and always with love and understanding.

We as her grandchildren learned much from her – countless nights we sat and read stories from her special collection of books with yellowed pages, sang songs by the piano and listened to her tell stories from when she was a little girl, or from when our Dad was a little boy.

She took pride in our education and listening to what we were learning about. Report cards were an important time of year – when we started to get letter grades instead of numbers it was awesome! She not only rewarded us with her praise for good grades, she rewarded us financially - $4 for every A - $3 for every B and even $2 for a C (nothing for less). For Lolo, Unc and I who went to Jewish Day School and had 8 classes – this was right up there with our birthday and Chanukah!

Grandma valued continuing education, she never stopped learning or striving to know more – she learned Hebrew and then to lane torah as an adult, the excitement in her voice when she called to read it to me over the phone was one I’ll never forget.

As the mother of 4 of her great grandchildren, I took such great pride in watching her read to my children the stories that she read to me – on the floor, mind you, at 80 years of age. Each birthday or Chanukah a “new” yellowed page book came with the gift she thought the children would like. When Ping came this year – I cried with joy as I read it to them, and told them how my Grandma B, their Safta, read it to me when I was their age.

Grandma cherished her Jewish heritage and helped instill in us pride for ours. When Lolo and Unc were younger, we used to close up our house, pack up the 9 passenger station wagon and drive to Florida for Pesach. This year, she was to have Pesach at my house, with my children…to pack up her house and let me do the work for a change.

Sunday, April 1st 2007 was such a beautiful day – J picked Grandma and Grandpa up from the airport and they came back to our home. Grandma got to play with Bob, Belle, Bean and Puppy – and spend a beautiful time outside in the backyard looking forward to Pesach together. But she was sure to kasher her house in time to bring her mandel bread in for our seder, Aunt K’s seder and send some to California to be there for Uncle M, Aunt D, R and M.

Grandma B could do anything she set her mind to – my wish for my children is that her love for life, her love for learning, her love for Judaism and her love above all for family is remembered and carried on in her memory.

Pay it forward

2010-03-10T00:00:00.002-05:00

We have 4 children.
Our children were all born within 4 years and 10 months of each other.
We know how fortunate we are that we can say "planned it" this way.

Lolo and Unc are 10 and 11 years younger than I am (respectively), if we were able to influence it, J and I wanted our children to be close in age - to have each other from their earliest memory.

Bob and Belle are 16 months apart
Belle and Bean are 18 months apart
Bean and Puppy are 22 months apart

It hasn't always been easy, but I have an amazing life partner, parenting partner, an amazing man I call my husband. Our kids have their moments, we have our moments. But together we have navigated this world of parenting....from the looks of it, we are doing ok.

Bob reading Franklin and the Tooth Fairy to Belle - 1-14-07

Belle reading Are you My Mother to Bean - 3-19-08

Bean reading Hop on Pop to Puppy - 3-9-10

What a blessed life we lead. What miracles we have create.
May they be there for each other every step of the way all the days of their lives.

Make that a half dozen

2010-02-14T12:25:00.007-05:00

Friday night we got the call that made our children number 6. No, we didn't have twins, nor did we adopt children - we borrowed two girls for two days while their mom and dad went to the hospital to give birth to their baby brother.

I love these two little girls like they are my own and the mesh between children has been tremendous.

Personal space? Who needs it?

These 6 children don't have any cousins...it looks like if they ever do - it is going to be a long time from now, and the age difference will be too great to say they "grew up" together. These 6 children (ok now 7 but we have yet to meet #7) have each other. And we have seen through this past week of togetherness, that they take each other through the good the bad and the dirty!

Over the past 40 hours I have watched these beautiful children cuddle together, help each other "get something from upstairs," help each other get into pjs, play games with each other, read stories to and with each other..

Over the past 40 hours I have watched these beautiful children yell at each other, growl at each other and throw things at each other...

But most of all over the past 40 hours, I have watched these beautiful children become a closer family.

Welcome to the world Groundhog, thank you for sharing your sisters with us....next family get together we'll make it a baker's half dozen! (Does it work that way? Don't know....work with me I've had 6 kids for 40 hours!)

Soon we will give back the two we borrowed and they will each be one of three instead of 6.

Hopefully they know they are welcome any time, that their "family" is here if they need anything...

and they can bring their baby brother too...look there is room between Puppy and L!

Feet belonging to Puppy, L, Bean, E, Belle and Bob

Average Adventure with SNOW? You're Joking! Part 2

2010-02-08T20:40:00.005-05:00

To see part one click here....

The impending birth of our closest friends' third baby. NES was due Friday. We have a mutual track record of taking care of each other's children when big events are happening. M, NES's dh was Bob's favorite person in the world when Belle was born. So M and NES came to take care of him till back up could come.

We took care of E when M had surgery, and then again when L was born.

We are two families that have moved far from our parents - we have taken on helping each other out when we need family near by.

When Puppy was born over Thanksgiving weekend, NES had all my immediate family - Mom, Dad, Unk, Lolo, Bob, Belle and Bean all over for dinner while J and I spent our first few nights with Puppy in the hospital.

Wednesday, NES and I went for queso and chips and talked about what to do. How could we get 30 inches of snow, have them plow out of their driveway, drive to us to drop of E and L and then get to the hospital in time for the impending birth of the "groundhog?"

NES decided to convince M that the best bet was to move all four of them in with us, so that if they had to go to the hospital, M and J could shovel us out and they could make it to the hospital.
But then the snow came:

Friday night the power went out...it stayed out through Sunday night -- 4o hours, 6 kids ages 2-9, a very pregnant NES. We couldn't send the kids out to play in the beautiful powder...we would never have been able to warm them up if they cam back in!

We made it through - all children are safe and loving time together, parents are still friends, and the groundhog still has not come out to check his shadow....but, the weather men say we are getting another 10-12 inches tomorrow.

Though it is pretty - I think we are over it.

Average Adventure with SNOW? You're Joking! Part 1

2010-02-08T17:01:00.012-05:00

To see part two click here...

For many weeks now we have been planning and coordinating two events. One - the graduation of our babysitter (A) from high school - B's daughter, and Two - the impeding birth of our closest friends' third child.

Let's go to number one. Our babysitter has an older sister, 4 years her senior. Four years ago we held a friday night dinner for her sister M (our first ever babysitter). A group of friends called a Chavurah brought over a pot luck dinner in M's honor- and now A's honor - to celebrate Shabbat and their respective graduations from high school! And we made a cake!

Puppy was just a few months old - and it was great for all the kids to be together to celebrate such a milestone. So we offered to do something similar for our second babysitter from that family.

But with the this weekends impending storm, alerts of 5-10, then 10-20, and eventually 28+ inches of snow, the Chavurah members were getting weary, as was the family, her extended family was having a hard time getting into town.

Not only was the dinner postponed, but so to was graduation. Very sad for poor A.

Simultaneously let's move to number two.

Hockey Night in JYAA!

2010-01-31T12:30:00.008-05:00

J is a Canadian. This means the boy didn't grow up with baseball (go Yankees!) like I did, or even basketball and football - he grew up with Hockey, to be more specific, Canucks Hockey.

To be honest, it is one of the reasons I married him. No, not cause he loves hockey, but because he could care less about the other sports, and really had no interest in watching hockey unless it was CANUCKS hockey. Living in the DC area, out of the country and timezone of the Canucks, not many games are televised here. "Woo Hoo!!"

See, I grew up in a house with a dad and brother (mostly my brother) who watch sports...every sport, just didn't matter...it was a sport. I love them dearly, but didn't want that for my household.

So heavily weighted on my husband check list was this "not so interested in sports" gene. And J got a check!!

Women plan, and god laughs.

Who knew that the "love of and need to watch every sports gene" would get to Bob through my dad and brother all the way in NY? Not me, that is FOR SURE! Bob, from VERY early on has had this love/need/obsession. But it isn't one sport, or even major sports....it is everything.

He'll start with Baseball (go Yankees!! then maybe Nationals), then move to football (go Giants! then maybe Redskins) then to Hockey (go Canucks, then maybe Capitals) or basketball as necessary (go Wizards, then maybe the Knicks).

But the child doesn't stop there if there isn't one of those sports (any team) on, he'll move to Tennis, Golf, Bowling, Swimming, Running if it is a sporting event competition of any sort...he will watch it.

What I didn't know was that the "love of and need to watch every sports gene" could work retroactively...or could be latent. See as soon as Bob really got into it, J started watching with him, and is no longer the guy I married the guy who could "care less about the other sports, and really had no interest in watching hockey unless it was CANUCKS hockey." Talk about bait and switch!

Last night my boyz - J and Bob, got into bed to watch a rarely televised Canucks game, for the record, I do not begrudge him the Canucks...I knew this one before I married him!

A bit into it, for the first time, Puppy joined them. There they sat in bed together watching - when Puppy asks:

"How do the boys get out?!?!"

Maybe there is hope yet for him!

People who get it.

2010-01-26T13:46:00.006-05:00

Bob woke up this morning, and not unlike him he complained of a headache and being dizzy. We sent him back to brush his teeth, get dressed, and make his bed..unlike most days he listened! Something was wrong. Few minutes later I found him on top of his made bed, fully clothed back asleep. After a temp reading of 102.4 it was confirmed.

We went off to the Dr. to get him checked out. After a quick look over and a swab Dr. G walked into the room and said with a wink and a smile: "We have a firm diagnosis! It's strep." It was music to my ears.

Dr. G got it. Just one short year ago a fever, a fever of unknown origin wreaked havoc on our family and (according to the nurses and office staff) our two loving pediatricians!

Don't get me wrong, I hate when any of my children are sick or not feeling well. But a firm diagnosis, a diagnosis that a course of antibiotic, blee eyen harrah, will be have him 100%, is a fantastic feeling.

Seeing Dr. G smile and acknowledge the beauty of a "simple" firm diagnosis and wonders of antibiotics in a caring and not belittling way...reconfirms my love for this practice.

Feel better Bob...and thanks Dr. G.

One year tomorrow...

2010-01-21T20:11:00.001-05:00

One year tomorrow...

One year tomorrow....I need to say that again. One year tomorrow. This journey began one year ago tomorrow. I watched my Bean dance today...with every joint of in her body - her hips, her knees, her elbows, her wrists, her ankles, her sholders, her neck...
One year ago tomorrow this journey began. But today, she danced!

Planets shift alignment...

2009-11-09T22:00:00.000-05:00

Puppy had his allergy testing today. 4 scratch spots on his back - he's allergic to nothing! What does it all mean...guess the boy can have milk...after almost 4 years...talk about realignment - we went out for milkshakes!!

He did have an off day after the testing. (OK he got his H1N1 after it too). He cried all the way to school, and all the way into school - it was very sad. Even on the way home he continued to be sad.

The older kids tried to help distract him. Belle says to him - "Puppy where do you live?" Puppy answers - "Earf!!"

Bob then says to him - "Puppy where do Grammy and Grandpa live?" Puppy answers - "Mars!!"

It all came full circle.

And the fever returns...and the pain.

2009-11-08T09:00:00.001-05:00

Did I speak to soon? At 3am Bean walked into our room...with 103.2 fever, back pain and knee pain. Is it related - is it something different?

Dose 3

2009-11-07T22:03:00.000-05:00

Friday night Bean got her third dose of methotrexate. Again she didn't have any rection...I have to say handing my daughter 12 pills brings me to tears...it is too much.

But she didn't have any reaction. Life is good.

Out of the mouth of babes...

2009-11-06T16:00:00.001-05:00

Puppy is really cute. He cracks me up often - just a few from today.

Today he came home singing: "My Mommy lies over the ocean, my Mommy lies over the Sea, My Mommy lies over the ocean, my Mommy lies over the Sea, bring back my Mommy to me."

On the way to school I said to Puppy "Puppy, I'm so proud to be your Mom." Puppy said, "Mommy, I'm so proud to be your awesome, cool, smart and hansome puppy!" ** yes - the boy said puppy, not his name, not son, not boy...Puppy. The kid makes me smile!

Taking stock...

2009-11-05T20:53:00.005-05:00

Tonight I was helping Bob with a project for school. Tomorrow he is giving a presentation to his 3rd grade class about the portion of the bible that is read in synagouge this weekend. It is the story of Abraham, the angels, the story of Lot and his wife - the birth of Isaac and the almost sacrafice of Isaac. He is giving this presentation 100% in Hebrew.

Bob has done a great job. The other night he sat and wrote the entire thing in English - then translated it into Hebrew. Reviewed it with his teacher and tonight I offered to help him re-write it as his handwriting is not the clearest.

As I began to pen the second page my first born son turned to me and said: "Mommy, I really appreciate your helping me - I love you!"

Should I say that again:
"Mommy, I really appreciate your helping me - I love you!"

We all hope that our children appreciate what we do for them...that if they don't today, maybe they will some day....but today, my son appreciated it today...AND TOLD me.

May this moment sink in and may the memory stay close to the top layer...especially the next time he says: "I hate you Mommy!!" ... But as for today, November 5th 2009...my son said:
"Mommy, I really appreciate your helping me - I love you!"

Puppy's Reaction

2009-10-28T22:52:00.001-04:00

Puppy had a 1/2 day at school during the field trip. So he went home with his best bud E. E's mom called me and said that Puppy told her he couldn't have milk - that he was allergic to it. I told her we don't give him milk - but things with milk in it are fine.

30 minutes later I got a call saying Puppy is insisting that he can have chocolate milk. I was at work - I explained to her that he didn't understand chocolate soy milk vs. regular soy milk - though he did understand milk vs. soy. But it has been so long that he has been having dairy...not to worry. Go ahead - let him have it.

Hours later Puppy's face was swollen, hot, almost like it was on fire - his ears too. I took his temprature to make sure he didn't have a fever. He didn't - his body was cool.

Boy did I feel aweful. He has an appointment with the allergest, for the first time on November 9th.

2nd Grade Field Trip to The White House!

2009-10-28T22:48:00.000-04:00

I got to join Belle on her 2nd grade field trip to the White House. We were all excited - the history, the amazingness...just increadible. The kids were disapointed they didn't get to see more, but I thought it was awesome...

BUT - one of the most memerable parts was the East Room. One of the children asked if the chairs were gold - the secret service agent who was in the room answering questions - responded - "no, they are plastic - here feel!" LOL I was amazed that this stately room had plastic gold chairs! Amazing:)

Dose one

2009-10-25T21:24:00.001-04:00

Bean got her first Dose of Methotrexate last night. We noticed NO side effects today. She had a friend come over and play, which was a great distraction...but really, I don't think she noticed anything bothering her. I am hopeful that it stays this way - though I have no expectations. The medicine builds on itself.

First dose - went off without a hitch....so far.

Education

2009-10-19T09:51:00.006-04:00

It is time for me to educate myself about Systemic Juvenile Idopathic Arthritis...What do I know, what can I handle, how much I don't know or where to look. Right now - all I would like to do is be sad, I'm not ready to mobilize yet. I see/read of all these families the mobilize around their sick child and pull it together and do the extraordinary...BUT I HAVE FOUR CHILDREN! It isn't fair...but as Scar said..."life's not fair"

New Adventure

2009-10-18T21:51:00.019-04:00

Bean has been sick...should I go back to December 2008. A co-worker mentioned that my kids don't get sick...that I never seem to take a sick day because of my kids...talk about a kinahurra. First was Bean on December 30th - 102.5 fever and croup! By New Years Eve we had sick children...4 sick children!

So they recovered...in time for Bean's birthday - she turned 5 on January 5th!

And MLK weekend happened...it was supposed to have her birthday party the morning of the 18th. We had spent a lovely Shabbat at the M&M R's and a lovely lunch at L&M R's - Sunday we got up to make a cake for the party. 30 minutes into it Bean started vomiting - she perched herself on the couch - and we had to postpone her party...we decided to wait two weeks, and re-schedule it for February 1st. Bob got the bug on the 19th - and was able to stay home at watch the inauguration on the 20th...Puppy got it on Tuesday the 20th - Bean was back to school that day...and on the 21st Belle got it!!

On the 22nd - Bean got 103.5 fever. She said everything hurts. We thought she got the flu! It was the first time in my children's lives that I missed getting them their flu shot. We took her to the ped - wasn't strep. In-laws were here - we tried to do the normal stuff - motrin made a trip to the Silver Diner and Air and Space museum doable.

January 28th we took Bean back to the ped - for more blood work. My best friend had her baby on the 31st and we planned to go to NJ for the bris. February 3rd we were back at ped for more bloodwork...she STILL had a fever!

On February 4th - Bob's birthday I took Bean with me to get candles for Bob's birthday at school - walking out of the store Bean fell to the ground, her legs fell out from underneath her...she couldn't walk.

That afternoon we got the call to have her admitted to Children's Hospital (during a terrible meeting at work - different story line). We chose to go to Silver Diner with the kids for Bob's birthday, Bean was doing ok - and it seemed unfair to Bob's to not celebrate after we went to have her admitted... Mom came down to help.

I spent the first night with Bean in the hospital. Early morning blood draw - beeping machine of the baby next to us. On February 5th Bean had a chest xray, and two separate parts of a bone scan. The bone scan without sedation...first kid in the hospital to do so!!

We were hoping it was "just pneumonia!"

I spent the second night with her at the hospital. I got no sleep that night, but she did. Grammy came to visit at the hospital, and I tried to get a shower...they were broken!!

J brought the kids down to see Bean before Shabbat. They got to spend some time together before mom took them home. I stayed for the optomatrist visit. And then went home to sleep while J stayed with her. We missed Baby B's bris...sad and overwhelming on many levels.

It was Saturday, February 7th and Bean walked for the first time in days!! I stayed with her that night.

Grammy came down to be with her on Sunday. And slept over. It was the first time in a while J and I got to be with the other kids together.

Monday the 8th Bean had an MRI....and Grammy had to go back to NY.

Tuesday, February 9th Infectious Disease says they are done with her - on to Reumatology!

Wednesday, February 10th J brought all the kids for dinner at the hosptal. Bean was feeling a bit better. It was nice to be together!!

By Ferbruary 11th we were giving been 5 doses of oral liquid meds a day. She was hurling thing and going crazy. Not the easiest of patients.

And then we had to cancel our trip to California for cousin R's bat mitzvah. I wrote that day: "overwhelmed by the irony missing last year's pres weekend flight for snow- and this year for fever (thought it is 65)...this weekend doesn't have good luck!"

That day Bean said she was done watching tv! Ever heard of such a thing?!?

Belle lost her first tooth....Bob was her tooth fairy! And I missed the kids Cubs Club performances.

On February 12th I took Bean for her last invasive test. The bone marrow test. We needed to rule out the worst. The kids all came straight from school and played with Bean in the playroom. And then the news came....it was NOT Leukemia!! We were all going home. No diagnosis...but a plan.

February 26th we took Bean for a follow up at Children's with Dr. J. We were able to start tapering off her prednisone.

May 7th J took Bean back to Children's with Dr. J. He reported back: "Best...Dr.Appt...EVER!! I posted on Facebook:

It looks like we might be ARTHRITIS FREE!! She is off meds and we don't need to go back unless symptoms come back!! "Best Dr. Appt EVER is right!"

June 4th Bean complained of her knees "not working."

June 16th Bean "graduated" from pre-school. I posted on facebook: "got teary eyed at Bean's graduation...watching her move and shake while dancing...4 months ago I wasn't sure she would move like this again...thank god for miracles!"

August 4th Bean had 104 fever - I took her into Dr. C - he said we were looking for

"good news like a UTI or ear infection!"

Neither were true, no other symptoms - looked like a repeat fever with unknown origin. It left as fast as it came.

September 21st 1:30am - we returned from a trip to NY, Bean could not climb into her bed. She had a 102 fever, couldn't walk so well. She stayed home the next day with a swollen left knee, & fever. We took her in for blood work on the 22nd, we put her on Naproxen.

September 24th Bean returned to school. The school agreed to take her back even with her fever, knowing that she wasn't contagious. But not only did she have a fever, and a swollen knee - her fingers hurt and 6 of them were swollen. They didn't even look like they belonged on her hands.

October 5th Bean continued to have a fever of 100.2 she was down 4lbs, fingers & knees are hurting...sed rate is up to 80... we were STILL praying the naproxen to starts to work & we could avoid steroids.

October 6th Bean dressed herself and skipped out the door on her own, for the first time in 3 weeks. I posted on facebook:

"There may be a light towards the end of this tunnel...hope the next tunnel is FAR FAR AWAY!"

October 8th I took Bean back to Children's for more blood work and to be seen by the new rheumatologist, Dr. H.

October 9th Dr. H called to report back on the findings, give us a diagnosis and outline for me the next steps. I posted on facebook:

We got a diagnosis. Systemic juvenile idiopathic arthritis. We pray that Bean is one of the 1/3 of children who will outgrow this debilitating disease....and for the strength to make the best decisions as far as medicine to treat her condition...and for the strength to tolerate her behavior on steroids!!

Change needs to be realized!

2009-04-28T16:54:00.004-04:00

Time has passed and lots has happened. But I need to mark the change, MAJOR CHANGES in Belle. It is amazing I am so proud of her.

We have left the last psychiatrist and moved onto the next one. She has started a new medicine...and I'm seeing a sweet respectful girl...one that I had always hoped was behind the other mask...hoping it was a mask!

We must keep her to a schedule, and be respectful to the amount of sleep she NEEDS 0 6:30 bedtimes are a rule, not an exception. Which means, in bed at 6:15, not starting to go up at 6:30...but it is working.

She is communicating and not doing "no, no, no..." And I can count on her to not hit her siblings... MOST of the time.

Change is good - this change is good - I'm happy for HER and all of us!

Puppy is the top dog!

2008-12-29T23:15:00.000-05:00

Puppy to Mommy: you can't talk - only one person can talk.

Mommy: what if I am the one person?

Puppy: No, I am the one person now.

Mommy: who made you boss?

Puppy: Abba!

Was it me? Just a coincidence...

2008-12-11T18:37:00.004-05:00

6 years ago - I told my Father-in-law to "be good" -- as I said goodbye to him for what would be, the last time...

2.5 years ago - I told my Grandma to "be good" -- as I said goodbye to her for what would be, the last time...

4 months ago - I told my Grandpa to "be good" -- as I said goodbye to him for what would be, the last time...

Just now I watched the Today show -- Merideth Viera said "be good" to a trucker that she had spent a time with...that trucker died this week.

New beggining

2008-10-23T07:42:00.000-04:00

So much... But it will be ok.

Time to catch my breath...

2008-07-27T19:38:00.003-04:00

Friday was another terrible day at camp for Belle -- she hit a child, they punished her, they didn't follow the certificate regimen that we had given them to help her...and then to top it off a pisher of a kid tried to psychoanalyze my daughter - god damn it... she roll played with her and thought that I would be so excited by this...and gave her all this attention -- why couldn't she just listen and follow through on what I asked them to do?

They were so mean to her, I watched during their show... the conselors didn't respond to her - like they did to the others, the kids shied away from her...I was so sad for my beautiful girl who has been driving everyone crazy...driving me crazy -- I love her, I love her, I love her -- I may need to repeat it over and over and over -- or even climb to the highest rooftop -- I LOVE HER! I want everyone else to also...

I called R - our ped -- crying - I'm was afraid they were either going to break her, or kick her out! He is just amazing, just amazing -- after droppng Bob off after another accident - I took her to his office and he put her on clonidine - a quarter of a .1mg pill 2x per day ....

I hate drugging my little girl - I hate drugging my little girl -- but I need to be able to love my little girl on my outside -- not just my insides, I need to show her that I love her, we all do -- she deserves it...she does.

Perspective....

2008-07-23T13:25:00.003-04:00

The dreaded question: Did he smoke?
Inquiry serves as a painful reminder of a father's death from throat cancer
By Elisabeth Egan
Self
updated 9:39 a.m. ET, Wed., July. 23, 2008

I'm sitting between two of my friends on a bench at the neighborhood playground when one mentions her aunt recently died of lung cancer. I know what's coming next, as surely as I know my kids will boomerang back toward me from the monkey bars, begging for money, when they hear the jingle of the ice cream truck.

As if on cue, the other friend asks, "Did your aunt smoke?"

I don't stick around for the answer. The ice cream truck has arrived, and I've never been so eager to hook up my kids with an Astro Pop. Blue-lipped and sticky, they can't believe their luck. What happened to their real mother — the one who's always pushing baby carrots?

I simply can't stomach yet another conversation about smoking and cancer. I've been a reluctant witness to the tobacco inquisition ever since my father was diagnosed with throat cancer in 1999. He died four years ago, a month shy of his 60th birthday and a week after he and my mother celebrated their 35th wedding anniversary.

He smoked a pipe every day for more than half his life; he also regularly enjoyed a stiff gin and tonic (or three) and a cannoli (or two), and he never exercised a day in his life until he found out that he had a heart condition at 55.

When somebody asks if my dad smoked, I say yes. (Nobody ever asks about his other bad habits, although excessive alcohol consumption is a prime culprit in the development of throat cancer.) Once I've answered, it's as if the questioner has ticked off a box in her head. As in, "Oh. He got what was coming to him." Or, perhaps more understandably, "I don't smoke, so I'm safe."

Smoker or nonsmoker?
These people aren't malicious; in fact, before my dad died, I remember asking the same question under similar circumstances. Now that I've been on the receiving end of it, though, I think responding this way to news of a cancer death is misguided — and slightly rude. When someone dies of a heart attack, do we ask if she was overweight? Do we ask if a victim of a car accident was a good driver?

I don't understand why it is that people who have tobacco-related cancers must be summarily classified as either smokers or not. Are we to believe that death by cancer would be less tragic — would be, in fact, deserved — if the dearly departed inhaled a pack a day?

Of course, it's human to crave an explanation when awful things happen, to grasp for a sense of control when in reality we have none. I still agonize over the absence of a man who clearly meant to be here for a good long time. After all, he left behind crates of unplanted tulip bulbs and enough frequent-flier miles for a trip around the world.

I'd like to tell people who ask the dreaded question exactly how painful it is to be reminded, over and over, of how my father's bad decision — to take up pipe smoking — robbed my family of one of its poles. I wish they knew exactly how much my dad suffered and what it was like to watch. He was a lawyer who retired early without fanfare because he'd had his vocal cords removed with only two days' notice and, really, what good is a lawyer who can't talk? Stop and think for a minute about what it would be like to live without your voice: You can't make a sound when you laugh or cry. You can't whisper or yell. For three years, my dad also couldn't swallow solid food, and for the last six months of his life, he was fed through a tube in his stomach because he couldn't swallow at all. He had his teeth pulled (a casualty of radiation) and his toe amputated (a casualty of chemotherapy and diabetes). There were countless smaller indignities, including the time we took my daughter to see Santa Claus and the other kids in line cried when they caught a glimpse of the hole in my father's neck.

Cheated out of a dad
Was my dad's five-year struggle with cancer penance enough for his choice to smoke? Absolutely. Do I still resent him for that choice? I do, and never so much as when I'm placing a birthday cake in front of one of his grandchildren and he's not there to take his signature out-of-focus photos. When my third baby was born last spring, one of my first thoughts in those early exhilarating minutes of her life was, Look what you missed — which surprised me. Hadn't I already cycled through the stages of grief? How did such a joyous moment land me smack-dab in the middle of mourning him once again?

There are other times when my feelings of being cheated out of a dad border on rage: when I coax a fire into burning without the help of a Duraflame log; both times the Red Sox won the World Series; and whenever Sue Grafton publishes a new book and I have nobody to give it to. Sure, I'm angry with my father. If he hadn't smoked, he'd still be here. When a friend is diagnosed with cancer, I tell this father of three about my dad's positive experience at the same hospital where he's starting treatment.

Of course, he asks how my dad is doing. "Actually, he died," I say, wishing I hadn't gone down this road. "But he smoked," I add. "What did he expect?"

My father was the least judgmental person I've ever met — truly, ever — so when I think someone is judging him (especially when that person is me), I feel both ashamed and bereft. When my own children ask me why their grandfather died — always at some inopportune moment, such as when I'm placing a large order at Starbucks — I don't sugarcoat the answer: "Because he smoked." But then, impatient barista be damned, I remind my daughter, Louisa — at 7, the oldest of my brood and the family's inaugural grandchild — how she used to love following her grandfather around his garden, drenching the plants with her own little watering can until they were flat on the ground. I want all my children to understand that smoking is not the sum total of anyone's life, especially my dad's.

I recently moved to a new town, where I'm slowly making friends. When one of them comments on the riot of impatiens on my patio, I mention that all my flowers are planted in my dad's old potting soil. These bags of dirt, lugged from their semifinal resting place behind my old tricycle into the trunk of my new minivan, are an unlikely legacy from what we called the Garden of Egan.

"So your dad died?" my friend asks. I say he died of throat cancer. Then I launch into my spiel — anything to forestall the Question. "He was sick for a long time; he died at home in his favorite chair a few hours after the series finale of "Sex and the City"; my mom is doing well; she's the belle of her church choir, thanks for asking."

But smoking never comes up, which is how I know this friend is a keeper. Instead, she asks, "What was your dad like?" Why can't everyone ask this question? Answering it is a joy; it's the next best thing to having him back again.

Copyright © 2007 CondéNet. All rights reserved.
URL: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/24844538/page/2/

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Professionals are held to a higher standard...

2008-07-18T14:00:00.002-04:00

I believe this - with all my heart and sole - professionals are only human - but because they are professionals they MUST be held to a higher standard....it is the nature of the position.

A director should not send out an e-mail to their staff insinuating, implying or announcing preferential treatment of their staff over another person's during a collaborative project.

A consultant - who tauts theme selves as a professional, should not forward another person's e-mail to anyone, without permission.

A director should not withhold information from staff because it will be tough conversation - and think they will inform them when they return from a vacation even if it means the staff person would find out from an outside party.

A clergyman should not use a congregant as a pawn in a political decision.

All in one week -- I'm disappointed! Disappointment To error is human - but professionalism comes with expectations and responsibility!

Call from pre-school...

2008-07-17T18:00:00.003-04:00

I got a call Wed afternoon form Puppy's teacher, saying he has a boo boo on his side - it was warm and hard and I needed to take him to the Dr. Now my favorite ped is on vacation - so I go see the one of the other two. He tells me it is an abscess and that he needs two different antibiotics twice a day. I remind him about Puppy's allergy to penicillin and he asked what happened when he had it. I told the Dr. that Puppy had had a full body rash - and we pulled him off. Dr. J said that wasn't an allergic reaction and he wanted to give it again because it would be the best for the abscess...He sent me home to get him the meds and put him in warm bath to loosen the yuck inside.

Fast forward two doses - and it is 1:30am on Thursday - our boy walks into our room with a red face that is VERY warm - I take his temp thinking it is the infection....his body is absolutely cool, but his face red and hot. I called the Ped - the third Dr. - Dr. N in the practice called back - she - not one of my favorite people, but that is a story for another time.... she said stop the meds, bring him in first thing - and we'll change what he is getting, but also give him some benadryl.

Fast forward to 7am - his face is BRIGHT RED - HOT - and now SWOLLEN -- he was breathing fine - but looked like Unc did when he was mango boy.... No one answered at the Dr. office, unlike when Dr. R is there --

I took Bean and dropped her of - J took Bob and Belle to camp and then took Puppy right in -- Dr. J got pissy with J for not calling first -- I was pissed...here he was having this reaction - it was either the office or the ER....

So home again, home again - now my poor boy is on 1 medicine - 4 times a day -- 2.5 tsp of YUCKY stuff... we are not above bribes!! Take your meds and he gets some choc chips!!

But it for sure put things in perspective -- other things were happening...but my boy was going to be ok -- quite emotional....

Tacky the Penguin - life lessons

2008-07-16T12:58:00.005-04:00

Belle asked me to read her Tacky the Penguin tonight - I don't know how this wonderful book ended up in our collection - but it made me happy to think that my Tacky picked it out to read tonight - and I learned great lessons from it.

A Morning from Hell

2008-07-15T08:49:00.005-04:00

Yet again Belle sent us through a loop. Is it fair to ask Bob or Bean to change their patterns and behaviors so that Belle doesn't have a melt down?

J made sure to send me a picture of her smiling as she left his car for camp...

Bringing a two year old to a movie...Lemonade saves the day!

2008-07-14T21:11:00.003-04:00

You read correctly, we made it to see Wall.E -- it was brilliant! Just BRILLIANT!

OK - we'll backtrack. We got home from camp/school at 4:30 - I rushed to put in the salmon and make dinner..but it was too hot and took too long for us to leave at our designated time of 5:15 to make the 5:45 movie. So sandwiches it was - Tuna for Belle, 2 PBJ for Bob, melted cheese for Bean and PBJ for Puppy, throw a PBJ for me too....(no vegi, no fruit) water in the car!

We made it out, and to the movie -- using gift coupons that I had received for my birthday at least 3 years ago, if not more- the 5 of us walked in, and I got $1.50 back! (J came on his own and paid, so I don't even know what that cost!)

Bob held my purse and keys, as we proceeded down the escalator -- I held Bean as she is TERRIFIED of them and help Puppy's hand. We got a BIG bucket of popcorn, 4 small cups and 2 med (you can't tell me they were medium, they looked like a two litter bottle!) drinks, one lemonade and one diet coke -- and we were off.

Poor Puppy thought we were going to shul where they had movie night the week before, on the grass with "Cars" projected -- this was a bit different...for a sensory kid, but he was a trouper.

An hour and a bit into the movie -- Puppy starts saying Penis! Penis! VERY LOUDLY in a quiet theater...there were only about 20 people total in the theater -- but when you are paying $12 a ticket, who wants to be interrupted?!?

He continues, Penis! PENIS! PENIS BOY!! Penis BOY! I PENIS BOY!!! I PENIS BOY!!!

OMG J and I were trying so hard not to laugh, Bob was in stiches and the girls kept looking like he was nuts! Remember now - more than an hour into the movie, NO POPCORN left to distract...no paci in site, and Penis Boy yelling PENIS BOY at the top of his lungs....turn to Lemonade!

Sticky, sweet, sticky - ice cold -- did I say sticky? But it distracted good'ol penis boy for enough time to get him to forget! I dont' think the rest of us ever will.

Game called on a count of rain

2008-07-13T23:22:00.003-04:00

We had a nice day planned today - J-h to do yard work, Y-d, A-d, and A-s in the pool out back, J-s watching sports as usual...and 4pm we were to go off for a minor league baseball game! We were quite excited....but as soon as we got their the skies opened up and the rain came pouring down...

Disappointed...but we all kept it together -- even J-s who got his glove and ball signed by two players...he took it hard, but came home and watched a bit of a Mets game. A-d fell asleep on the way home - A-s and Y-d got to watch a show and then off to bed...

Maybe we'll get in a movie tomorrow -- that is the plan....but we know what happens when we plan.

2 Years -- sadness is still too much to bare

2008-07-12T23:39:00.002-04:00

2 years ago today a lovely little boy ERS died in a horrible accident at the local JCC -- he drown in the pool there, during a swim lesson at camp. ERS wasn't our son, we knew his sister S since Bob and she were in school as two year olds, they were supposed to come over for Shabbat the week after he had passed. A funeral like this I have never before seen - I remember it and all the raw emotions. My heart still goes out to the entire family.... I dreamt last night that G-B was with him, reading to him...the perpetual 1st grader with the perpetual 1st grade teacher....

Easy morning x2 days...

2008-07-12T23:00:00.001-04:00

OK, make that "easier"! Belle was able to get her stuff together enough to get out both thursday and friday am. That isn't to say we didn't have our moments, but Jeven sent a picture of her smiling in the car on the way to camp.

BTW - we didn't make it to ZeroCNS -- we'll try again for next week

Zero CSN

2008-07-09T23:24:00.003-04:00

J's new motto -- Zero CSN (zero csn sunday night) -- We are part of a CSA *- below is a copy from the groupy's e-mail about what it is. The problem is I thought this would replace our produce visits. I thought we would spend less on groceries -- boy was I wrong! We layed out the money for the CSA and have basically the same shopping list...though add the extra stuff that J needs to prepare the things like collared greens and rubarb and garlic scapes....

It is a lot of pressure! I just love my peppers, cucumbers, strawberries, grapes -- the real stuff you can get at a super market -- I know, I'm a party pooper!

*Community-Supported Agriculture (CSA) is a mutually beneficial partnership where urbanconsumers receive fresh, nutritious vegetables while helping to sustain the livelihoods andstewardship of regional farmers. In a CSA arrangement the farmer pre-sells “shares” in his or herfarm’s upcoming harvest to individuals, families, and institutions in the city.Tuv Ha’Aretz, a program of Hazon, means both “good for the land” and “the best of the land.” Ultimately, it also means the best for you and your family. As a Tuv Ha’Aretz member at TI, you’ll know where your food is coming from, and enjoy:
• a variety of fresh, organic vegetables at competitive prices from Calvert Farm.
• weekly produce delivery to TI, on Monday afternoons
• supporting local farms, a healthy environment, and strong community
• connecting in new ways to Jewish values and tradition
• a weekly newsletter, Tuv Ha’Shavua with recipes from the farm, divrei Torah and more!
• farm trips and inspiring education classes

Better Start...

2008-07-09T23:14:00.003-04:00

Today Belle got it together and had a good morning - don't know why, but it worked. I have to keep reminding myself that she is not doing this to us. That she doesn't set out to upset us and make us mad. In the anger of a being late for work, for not running smoothly through our "routine' -- I tend to forget.
She is not doing this to me/us.
She wouldn't do it if she could stop herself.

Not such a great mommy today...

2008-07-09T21:57:00.003-04:00

I don't know what was up. I have some better days then other...but today I realized that all these volunteer things, and work, that I am doing for my kids to have a better experience at X Y or Z place -- is taking me away from spending time with my kids.

Happy Birthday Auntie Lolo -- 23rd!

2008-07-08T01:54:00.004-04:00

I know Lolo doesn't read this blog -- she would if she knew it existed...but she doesn't yet. I remember that day, when my life as an only child was no more. When she screamed her way into our lives....we all thought she was a boy - I even convinced Grandma A that we KNEW she was a boy -- LOL

I was 3 weeks shy of 10, what a special day it was. I became a sister, something I waited a VERY long time for....though now, I'm waiting even longer to be an Auntie myself:)

Love you Lolo -- we all do.

One person's lie is another person's fiction

2008-07-07T23:00:00.001-04:00

Belle did it again today. She got up, she got dressed, she even came down and ate breakfast so nicely. Getting ready to leave and she says she is bringing her dog - we say, no, toys are not allowed in camp or school -- party line - though we compromised to let her take him in the car on the ride.

As we pull up to drop off Cookoo and Puppy -- Belle says, "you know what mommy and abba, you were right, I shouldn't take my dog to camp, I'm glad I left him at home!"

Boy were we upset -- a straight out fabricated lie.

(Fast forward 7 hours and she left the car without permission and crossed the parking lot at the pre-school without a grownup -- almost full meltdown over dessert, but we were able to cut it off at the pass...this time.)

When talking to my friend and doula tonight - B - I recounted my day with among other issues, Belle -- and I gotta love B -- she said:

"wow! she is going to be a great writer when she is older!" A refreshing and creative ending.

MELTDOW*N

2008-07-06T21:19:00.004-04:00

Well -- the perfect end to the perfect day -- a meltdown -- just like the Justin Roberts song Meltdown - Belle ended today in a meltdown - this time over not getting more cookies. We went to a friends house for dinner tonight (H and I), everyone else had the 1.5 -- Bob, Belle, Puppy, the friends children M and L -- but Belle decided she need more, needless to say it was a car ride of piercing screeching and crying for more cookies...

I found my niche - life of the impromptu!

2008-07-06T10:06:00.005-04:00

We just got back from our impromptu picnic/bicycle ride! It was great -- but had we planned it and thought about it -- again, wouldn't have happened. J went and got a new pump, and came home and said he wanted to take the kids to ride -- but it was lunchtime....

So I pulled out salami, bread, ketchup, mustard (2 kinds), carrots, peppers, ice water & blueberries -- add the picnic blanket, camera -- 4 bikes, 4 helmets, wipes - plates, napkins, utencils AND BUG SPRAY -- and we were off within 14 minutes flat ...nope, could not have planned it.

We took two cars, and with gas prices at $4.22 per gallon, we drove the mile to a local elementary school parking lot -- put out our spread, and had the entire lot to ourselves for riding.

Amid the raindrops, and sunshower...Bob took of riding as usual, Belle rode for the first time without training wheeles!! Though did take a spill -- Bean didn't love getting wet, but rode for a bit and Puppy was too funny in his three wheeler -- and helmet.

I survived, though I HATE the outside, bugs and all -- but I feel proud of myself, I think that I did ok...I did it for my kids. Had I had to think about it, and plan it and worry about it, I don't think I could have pulled it off... I'm so glad we did.

Happy 4th of July!!

Shabbat Playdates O-My!

2008-07-05T22:18:00.005-04:00

So it started out as a simple - Bob was going to have a playdate with his best bud form birth JM - well JM has a sister EM who is Bean's age - so they wanted to play...ok god who will we have for Belle? We call AP and she can come, thank god! So now you are thinking that I am leaving out Puppy....no no! That is when it got crazy...

BSP, my oldest and dearest friend from kindergarten gas been telling me about her friend BR and her husband RR, who have a daughter SR who is going to be at school with Puppy...but they also have a son JR who is 18 months old...BSP herself has SPa who is Puppy age and SPb who is 4 months old (yes, both their names start with S -- I'm not the only one to mess this up!) so I invited both families....J was aware of this, but what I forgot to tell him....is that when I thought of who was coming -- I invited TG -- with her three kids - SG who is Bean's age, LG who is Puppy's age and NG who is JR's age so they could meet too....

Needless to say, the 4 year olds were the loudest - the 2 almost 3 year olds cried the most...and some parents handled the noise better than others...

All in all I had a great time, lovely people -- and J chose not to divorce me yet!

My cleaner upper...

2008-07-05T21:28:00.003-04:00

I have one! ONE -- I guess one out of5 (including J) isn't bad. I don't know if she does it for praise, or for attention, or to please -- or because she is wired that way...but when a house full of people are coming - I can count on Bean to help bring about some order and neatness to the chaos house of "Central" -- thank god for middle children!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.....

2008-06-30T20:30:00.004-04:00

Can't take that word anymore - It annoys me when Bob says it, when Cookoo says it -- even when Puppy says it -- but when Belle does...it brings on an entirely new meaning...

The repeated nonononononononononononononononononononononono -- there are no other words...none, just no in a different pitch, a different cry, a different scream...but it continues...and cries, and screams...as I type -- J is dealing with the screams... and trying to calm her, there is no talking - there is no reason...just the repeated no.

What caused it this time? Who knows....she came out of her shower -- that she did greatly on her own, she was really cute coming out of the shower -- I gave her her towel, and reminded her to be careful coming out, and not to slip...for a second she gave me a VERY weird blank, almost catatonic look...I laughed...and so did she, she snapped into a big smile. I asked her to dry off before she got she left the bathroom, and I would come cuddle once she was in PJ's.

(8:49 -- the screaming has ended -- only 31 minutes this encounter)

A few minutes later she jumped into our bed - getting bet between our duvet and the cover -- something that drives us nuts, as it rips the cover.... she said she was cold and need to warm up. I asked her to come out of the cover, get her pj's on, and I would help warm her up under her covers.

That is when the no's began...(this time)

I helped her into her bed, put on her pj's and tucked her in -- then it continued, the one word chorus, the unending screaches and screams... she undressed and followed me around, screaming she was cold and NO!

J took her into her bed -- and somehow got her calm...he said re-direction...asking her what she wanted for lunch tomorrow - snapped her out of it, this time. And then she asked for her winter PJ's -- it is 87 degrees...and she wants winter fleece pj's - fine, we have air conditioning, and it is getting cooler -- but what prevented her from just saying "mommy, I'm cold, can I have my winter PJ's?" Maybe someday we will know -- I'm just thankful J was able to help her out of it this time...he is really good at it, he always has been...patience I need to learn.

Sensory issues, sure -- can they be the cause of all these outbursts and meltdowns? We are on the quest to help her....

Super Sunday!

2008-06-29T21:16:00.004-04:00

What a great day! We drove all the way to PA today for a fun filled swim day of family. Aunt J and Uncle R, Cousin J and D, Bubbie, Zaddie, Aunt M from Israel, Grammy and Grandpa, Unc and Lolo, "special Grandma T"-- of course Jesse and Keppi the dogs -- all met for a wonderful, relaxed day by the pool.

4 generations -- much love and more - ration of 2.75 adults per child -- much more then we have on any normal day! But to hear Bubbie, my grandma say it was the best day of her life -- was awesome! Zaddie even got his feet into the pool -- grandma was quite sad, watching all the help he needed to do it, I was too -- this strong, brilliant man, dentist, husband, care taker, father to three, grandpa to 9, now great grandpa to 8 has withered... but no matter how we have felt about what has come out of his mouth in the past, we all love him and are there to support both he and grandma...as they have always done for us. I'm so fortunate to have my kids know my grandparents...and love to spend time with them, just like I did...just like they do with my parents...we are all truly blessed.

Pooped with poop...

2008-06-28T23:04:00.002-04:00

I am soo done with poop! I get that I have four kids, I get that it is a growing process...I don't mind changing diapers, never had...I was never the mom to care about that, for god sakes I had 3 kids in diapers at one time...BUT to have my 7 year old, and now my 6 year old - having problems with pooping their pants...I'm SOOOOO DONE!

My baby...

2008-06-28T23:01:00.001-04:00

Tonight there was a major change in our house...and I was totally unprepared, absolutely took me by surprise. J took the side of Puppy's crib off...Puppy now sleeps in a toddler bed...

I was not prepared, I wasn't ready -- could I say it in a different way? I feel I needed to psych myself up for my baby, my youngest to not be in a crib anymore - more than just the second anyway.

All 4 kids were excited -- J was excited, mostly that he wouldn't have to get out of bed to get Puppy anymore...

I'm excited for Puppy too, he is a big boy, when Bob was his age, he was almost a big brother to two and in a big boy bed for a while...it helps put things in perspective...but alas, for the last time in Central, we took a crib side off to make a toddler bed...

I'm a little sad.

Wisdom of others...

2008-06-28T23:00:00.001-04:00

Sometimes during conversations with people in our lives, or people that we don't even know -- some thing profound comes out of it and I try to remember it!

Today, a wonderful woman at shul was talking about how wonderful Belle, even with all her issues going on.... she said having Belle in a class would make it worth going back into a classroom instead of administration! I love that some people an get her. We talked a little about the type of teacher who would be good for her...but she said, we have to make sure whomever she has doesn't break her spirit and the inner calm Belle has... WOW - something in our crazy day to day...I must remember....

The other thing that is on my list...Tim Russert died two weeks ago...but through all the tributes and all the quotes they showed him saying...the one that I keep remembering is "Luke, I'm proud to be your dad."

Bob, Belle, Cookoo, Puppy -- I'm proud to be your mom!

Middle Child Syndrome

2008-06-27T08:57:00.005-04:00

Middle Child Syndrome - I believe in it. Both my parents are middle children, my sister Lolo is a middle child -- My friend BP -- I've watched it, I get it...one of the reasons I wanted 4 children...but I guess there is alway a middle-ish child. In our house Bean is it. I realized that I have yet to bring her up...poor kid!

To describe her...she is like an only child who didn't get the memo that she was not only one of 4 -- but the 3rd to be born. Bean loves attention, craves attetion and will do anything in her power to get it...possitive or negative. She messes with people, especially Puppy, to get them to do things with her, but makest them angry.

She loves adults- and loves to please us....but will tell us something she did wrong, even if it something so low on the do not do list/ or even something that is fine to do, but she decided it wasn't -- she tilts her head to the side, chin down, lip out, puppy dog eyes looking up and an ALMOST tear -- saying "I am sorry I _________ mommy, I know you will be mad, I won't do it again, I love you"

She is also the child, when I am angry at someone else or yelled for any reason -- says "mommy I love you" in a shy quiet way.

But come time to take a picture, or stand still, or stop talking - FORGET IT!

She is a sweet, caring, BRILLIANT little girl, who gets people, loves life, loves everyone around her -- she deserves the best - my prayer for her is that she accepts it as it comes her way.

Slamming the gate!

2008-06-27T08:55:00.003-04:00

So it has bee a few days since the gates have been remove...and my coaxing J out of a mood with yelling at him not to slam it....Bob is over it -- but my beautiful 7 year old Bob is still telling me when he slammed the gate -- and when he does it a second time! I love him!

Number 4 and "the others never...."

2008-06-25T22:20:00.009-04:00

We find ourselves saying "the others NEVER did that!" quite often after Puppy does something unexpected, or different -- throwing us into the roll of first time parents, so to speak for each incident.

The first that comes to mind is our anniversary 2006 - Puppy bit a Nerf football -- we found part of the piece and the football, and realized that there was still a piece missing. After a trip to the END to make sure he didn't swallow a piece - they sent us to the radiologist for a barium swallow, as the ENT said with foam, ya just never know, it could be hiding somewhere...and low and behold, there on the screen during the barium swallow, was that little piece of foam being pushed down by that yucky barium - and probably pooped out at some point....that was a big "the others NEVER did that!"

Tonight - Puppy climbed out of his crib, TWICE!! I know, I know - He is 2.5 -- and Lolo did that at 14 months -- but "the others NEVER did that!" The second time he hurt his little toe -- "da pinkie mommy, da little one - kiss it please" -- ok Puppy but we don't climb out of our criby - cause you can get hurt -- "I know mommy! da pinkie got hurt!"

My sweet little boy -- here's to no more, the others never...

Self awareness...

2008-06-25T12:19:00.004-04:00

We have been working with Belle on self awareness, knowing where her body is in relation to others, talking to others, tone of voice etc.

Today after her appointments at the drs she didn't want to go to camp. She told J that she was not nice to the children in her group, so she didn't want to go to camp because she didn't want to be mean to the other children.....

That is self awareness...no she can't control it, yet; but she is aware. I'm proud of her for that. We moved her, thanks to the wonderful directors of the camp, to the group with rising second graders that Bob is in, instead of the rising k/1 group she was in. She is physically more their size, and hopefully will be a positive change on day 3 of camp.

6 year check up -- 48.5 inches tall -- 95th percentile

Ice Cream for Dinner -- Chicken Fingers for Dessert

2008-06-25T11:58:00.007-04:00

When I asked Belle what she wanted for her birthday dinner she said "ice cream!" So I said, OK - she was VERY surprised...so then she said, "what about dessert?" I asked her what she wanted..."Chicken nuggets and honey!" OK I said -- sounded smart to me:)

Well my darling daughter who SOMETIMES does GREAT with being "flexible" (as we call it in our house thanks to Pinky Dinky Doo) had a very flexible transition when I said we were out of nuggets and if chicken fingers would work...THANK GOD for noggin and a flexible birthday girl....it could have just as easily been a disaster!

6 years ago today... good will rise above - most days!

2008-06-24T08:54:00.010-04:00

6 years ago today our wonderful Belle was born. Amid being mad at J for not getting me the epidural I was asking for -- crying "you promised" -- yelling that a sexual organ of mine hurt, over and over and over again -- and the nurse telling me not to push because they couldn't fine my doctor....our bouncing baby girl, weighing a surprising 10lbs came into our world and our lives.

We planned her, we asked for her, we need her to come when she did. You see, J-h's dad had been diagnosed with brain cancer in Aug of 01, I had a miscarriage that same week -- while J was away visiting his dad -- a pregnancy I didn't know I had until it was gone, and a terrible day that rocked our world 9-11-01. We wanted something good, we needed a good thing to look forward to, and we wanted to be happy again. Bob was only 7 months old at the time, but we knew it was time. Unc may never forgive us, for where it happened - but if it didn't happen then, Grandpa G would have never met our precious Belle...

It was a tough pregnancy - not physically so much, but emotionally. J also lost his job that August, and things were quite tough -- we didn't know he would be out of work for more than 6 months. The emotions of Grandpa G being sick, and the fear of what it meant to the family was great. The organization I was working for was hit hard by 9/11 and finances there were also of grave concern (I ended up loosing my job December 02).

But Belle came that beautiful June morning -- on her due date -- our friend M and R came to take care of Bob....M was his favorite person at the time. Grammy had come in the night before and was able to be with us as well. Of course B our friend and Doula, who saved me from a section with Bob and helped us with both Bean and Puppy's too!

It was a quick labor - 6 hours and a much easier entrance into mother hood the second time around then the first.

We all were together for her naming on July 7th 2002 -- the last time both sides would be together in its entirety before Grandpa G passed away 3 months later.

We chose a special name for her -- well I did and J went along with it. Her name means "good will rise above" - I love it - it fits her, the time she was born both in the world and in our family. She was also named after my great uncle, my grandfather's brother, who despite being mentally slow, lived a full life - on his own -- rising above any challenge that faced him...that is our hope and wish for our Belle.

Today she went off to camp -- 6 years old -- ears pierced and all -- with a big smile and a can do attitude. I worry about her, constantly....but I know - she will rise above any obstacle in her path (self inflicted or otherwise:))

How to make a 7 year old snap out of a tantrum...

2008-06-23T23:06:00.004-04:00

Yell at him for kicking the gate - ask him to open the gate, yell at him for not doing it fast enough...yell at him for trying to climb over the gate -- and at the top of the steps -- tell him not to bang the gate -- just close it gently.

It works! (as long as there isn't a gate!)

You are now free to roam around...

2008-06-23T19:57:00.008-04:00

For the first time in 7 years - J and I are able to roam the home without a gate...I will not miss the banging of the gate against the wall - I can still hear it in my head, I will not miss telling the kids not to swing on it, I will not miss the closer being at eye level of half our children and knocking bruises on their faces, I will not miss trying to open it while carrying a load or two of laundry in my arms, I will not miss stubbing my toe on it...

it is a big milestone, it is a little bit exciting, a little sad at the same time (our babies are growing up)-- but the fear of J or I falling down the steps -- tremendous!

All's fair in love and war. No Biting!

2008-06-23T12:26:00.008-04:00

After a weekend of working with A-s to stop hitting -- everyone in his path -- reciting "We don't hit!" over and over again...

Bob turns around this morning and was bawling his 7 year old eyes out! Saying that Puppy bit him. I turned to Puppy and said, Puppy - we don't bite!

Poor Puppy looked up at me with those puppy dog eyes of his and said -- "Mommy, I no hit him?!?"
How do you not laugh? My 7 year old is in tears, and my two year old thinks he figured out how to listen!

The boys exchanged hugs and a special kiss is delivered to the wound -- and our new mantra is ..."We don't hit or bite"

Name Game!

2008-06-22T22:00:00.005-04:00

When we named our children we thought long and hard about how each name would honor the person they were named after...the way it fit into the exhisting family of names ended up being an afterthought....

The confusion has increased over the years, with drs appts and playdates -- but as a side affect it has created posting confustion - as I post I can't Say J Y A and A when there are two A's and a husband J -- let's see if this code works for now.

J-h -- J -- Husband
J-s -- Bob -- Son
Y-d -- Belle -- Daughter
A-d -- Bean -- Daughter
A-s -- Puppy -- Son

Edit -- ok that wasn't working for me- let's try nicknames...

A beginning...

2008-06-17T23:37:00.012-04:00

Well - this was supposed to be a place just for me -- but alas J liked the name too much to waiste it on private thoughts -- so it is now public...and not for me:) It's ok -- we needed a place to post things we should remember and highlight about our children. This will be the place. For those of you who know us IRL - you get the name - Bob, Belle, Bean & Puppy... we (E and J) are a loving couple - married for almost 9 years - with 4 beautiful healthy children who come with each of their own challenges. This is our story....